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| Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool | 
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Avg. Customer Rating:  (based on 92 reviews)
Sales Rank: 2300
Category: Book
Author: Hal Edward Runkel
Publisher: Broadway
Studio: Broadway
Manufacturer: Broadway
Label: Broadway
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Paperback
Edition: Reprint
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 240
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.7
ISBN: 0767927435
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
EAN: 9780767927437
ASIN: 0767927435
Publication Date: August 19, 2008
Release Date: August 19, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight
ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It?s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids? behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we ?lost it? with our kids, the ?it? in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.
It?s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you?ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight. Parenting is not about kids, it?s about parents.
If you?re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.
Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that?s inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to:
focus on yourself
calm yourself down, and
grow yourself up
By staying calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.
ScreamFree Parenting is not just another parenting book. It?s the first parenting
book that maintains?from beginning to end?that parenting is NOT about kids . . . it?s about parents. As parents pay more attention to controlling their own behavior instead of their kids? behavior, the result is stronger, more rewarding, and more fulfilling family relationships.
For those of you reading who are parents, know parents, or have had parents, the notion that the greatest thing you can do for your children is to learn to focus on yourself may sound strange, even heretical. It?s not. Here?s why: we are the only ones we can control. We cannot control our kids?we cannot control the behavior of any other human being. And yet, so many ?experts? keep giving us more tools (?techniques?) to help us try to do just that. And, of course, the more we try to control, the more out of control our children become.
?Don?t make me come up there.? ?Don?t make me pull this car over.? ?How many times do I have to tell you?? Even our language suggests that our kids have control over us.
It?s no wonder that we end up screaming. Or shutting down. Or simply giving up. And the charts, refrigerator magnets, family meetings, and other techniques in most typical parenting books just don?t work. They end up making us feel more frustrated and more powerless in this whole parenting thing.
This practical, effective guide for parents of all ages with kids of all ages introduces proven principles for overcoming the anxieties and stresses of parenting and setting new patterns of connection and cooperation. Well-written in an engaging, conversational tone, the book is sensible, straightforward, and based on the experiences of hundreds of actual families. It will help all parents become calming authorities in their homes, bring peace to their families today, and give kids what they need to grow into caring, self-directed adults tomorrow.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 87 more reviews...
 Not a substitute for old fashioned Parenting. January 5, 2009
I am a parent with 2 vibrant young kids in preschool. I can honestly say this book is a 'feel good' book with little meat to it.Most of the book is plain common sense advice package with parenting context. Having said that, the author's experience with his clients helps to flash occasional brilliant advices,but by and large, the book fails miserably as an interesting read or a valuable 'How to'.
Here is an example of brilliant advice that clicked with me ..."If you are screaming at the kid ,then what does it really mean?... Kids, I am unable to handle the situation and so please help me. I am helpless. How do you expect a five year old kid expect to handle the situation". Countless commonsense commonplace advice ...give space, allow them to learn etc.The same book can be packaged with exact similar advice in marriages,work place and wherever there are frictions associated with 2 human beings.
The book has subtle danger to anyone who attempts to follow it. Although not explicitly mentioned, all through the book, it insits that the 'kids' come 'AFTER' you. Many of the problems of kids stem from this root cause where the parents are overwhelmed with their career ambitions, both overworking ( ex: to pay down the credit card debt that they used to go alone on a cruise or the unused golf club membership ).They come home tired , want to watch TV and obviously kids need attention and one of the way kids get your attention is by getting you mad. On the flip side, screaming (helplessly) is equally pervasive in stay at home mom home's and people who are not overwhelmed or a sample family 100 years ago.
My personal experience is that kids need attention,careful nurturing and if proper attention is given , the episodes of tantrums and screaming will go down and it is a process..not few 'How to'steps.Kids and parents should have sufficient and consistent time to sleep.It is very important for kids to follow the routine on weekend also.
Toys,PS2's and Xboxes are poor substitutes for quality parental time. There is a research which says it is far easier for parents to help kids in learning than it is to entertain them. A paper,few crayons can do wonders provided the parent sits with them and participate in the art work.Do not spend hours watching a sports game or a prime time soap which you cannot resist and then expect the kid to resist their childish temptations.
Avoid taking kids to malls where the marketers carefully target the kids and instead take them to libraries,parks etc. Malls are addictions ,even to elders. Read them bedtime stories and I have noticed that advices given during bedtime gets into the kids with no resistance like a nail on a fresh wood. Take the kids to walk is one of the best screamfree parenting techniques I have come across.
When the kids misbehave, usually they are tired,hungry or just trying to convey something which they themselves may not know ( ex:bored ).
There is no substitute for old fashion parenting.Pass on this book for "The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth". If you have read that book before, read it again.Written 30 years back by a psychiatrist, a content heavy book that should be read every page and absorbed before going to next one. It also happens to be one of my favorites and please visit my listmania for some of the literary classics
 Very inspiring philosophy of a relationship between you and your children January 2, 2009
A very inspiring book about how to work on your part of the relationship between you and your children.
My girlfriend noticed the changes of my relationship to our 3-year-old while I was reading it.. helped me a lot!
It's great at explaining an overall philosophy about behavioral patterns and how to change them.
If you are looking for a book explaining to you how to react to specific behavior this might not be the best but quite frankly I don't believe those books really work as every relationship is unique.
SINGLE MOM OF FOUR has her voice back! December 21, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I've only had this book for ONE week, and moms and dads out there this book is a great book for ANYONE who wants their children to obey, be respectful, and get along with their siblings and anyone else.
This book isn't 1,000 pages, it's not centered on religious faith or doctrine, though I believe the author is Christian. It focuses on logical basic psychology. You will read reviews that are over the top, calling the author a Godsend and that the material inside is AMAZING, but the truth is it's so logical and practical you will eventually say to yourself,"hmm why didn't I do this in the first place?"
the author doesn't even focus on the details such as spanking, time outs, grounding, or writing lines. He leaves that up to the parents, warning that the consequences (which most parents got in the habit of referring to as punishments) should be something we are comfortable doing, that they fit the crime. And of course everything needs to be done with a cool head, when we calm ourselves down and he talks extensively about calming ourselves down before we deal out consequences, we tend to be more logical in our decision making.
This book reminds me that my children are capable of being trained, which is why I yelled and lectured and nagged my children to death. I truly didn't think they were understanding me. I mean if they DID understand me they'd have obeyed me, right? But children do not misbehave or break rules because they don't understand the rules or consequences. They misbehave and break rules because they aren't given any real consequences that would make them truly stop their bad behavior. We convince ourselves that screaming is the punishment, that lecturing is the logical choice when in fact screaming is easily endured and all it does is make us look out of control, because we are. And lecturing and nagging make us annoying and unapproachable, NOT respectful, logical, strong, and authoritative.
So the next morning I pointed out the rules and consequences list that I have had on the hall wall for 2months. I apologized to my four children ages 11,10,8 and 5 for writing this list and NEVER following through with it. I apologizes for saying many times that that list is a joke because you guys never follow the rules on it, when in reality I WAS THE JOKE because I never followed the through on the consequences. I apologized to my children for being lazy and I did all this without being condescending and angry. I showed them the book and the older three were pleased.
They loved the title and were happy to know that their mother is FINALLY going to stop screaming, you could see a look of calm on them. I believe at one point I felt they were proud of me. But what they didnt realize is that their life was going to get a little uncomfortable at first.
I clearly said, "No more yelling guys, no more screaming, no more lecturing and nagging."
"it's about time," said my 11 yr. old daughter.
"Finally we can be happy!," my 10 yr. old son agreed.
My 10 year old son who actually does have a gift of reason slowly asked,"um well if you're not going to scream exactly what are you going to do?" His older brother and sister looked at him oddly. Didn't he just hear what was said. Because in their heads they heard,"I WILL NOT BOTHER YOU ALL ANYMORE." funny, that's not what I actually said though.
"glad you asked," I said. That's when I began apologizing for not following the rules. that's when it became very clear that spankings, time outs, groundings and writing lines were actually going to be implemented.
I did get some horrified looks and I'm sure they thought I didn't get the message of the book. Parents are suppose to be kind and nice to their kids not spank and ground them. They don't get that their consequences for everything. And the author goes into great detail about this subject! This concept has and will change my life as a mother forever!!
So spankings have been dealt, groundings have been given and lines have been written. And though my childrens consequences may not be on your list of consequences it works for me and my family business plan. And that's the beauty of the book, it doesn't go into YOUR beliefs and philosophies. It simply focuses on being respectable, consistent, calm and thorough.
These four kids are in complete shock! At first the two older ones were horrified and seething with anger, not that I saw much evidence of that because I calmly told them that I do NOT allow open displays of anger and rudeness. They are allowed to be angry and upset in their rooms which is their "space". But soon they got it! In a week!! Once the 8 yr. old was trying to explain why he just can't do what I ordered him to do and my oldest said calmly, obey she said no. I was taken aback by that. She was the one who perfected the art of arguing and yet she's the one pointing out the senselessness of it. I do say ONE maybe two things before I dish out the consequences but they are not lengthy lectures or pleadings or guilt trips anymore! The incident where my 8 yr old questioned me is a great example. I simply told him that I might make mistakes but I will not be questioned by him or his siblings for anything. I gave him an order and it needs to be immediately be obeyed. No if, ands or buts. We as parents have to start taking offense to our children thinking they are smarter than us. We think we are obligated in letting THEM say their piece or let them negotiate and explain why they just can't do as we say! I am guilty of that.
By allowing them to stop me from parenting, by allowing them to CHANGE my mind, change the orders, change the rules I was devaluing myself as a their mother. I was giving THEM control of MY life and of MY "business".
That's the hard part. We are constantly told to hear the child out, to listen to his views. BUT if and when we do that it MUST be after OUR views and rules have been followed. But like any business we should have a business plan and we should ALREADY know why we want what we want for our family and our home. So there is no reason to change ANYTHING, not even if your precious 8 yr. old makes sense. If anything he can be praised for being smart enough to see it differently but while he's being appreciated you are the head of your household and the rules will stay as they are.
This book has only been in my home a week and I look forward to when I can pass it down to my children. There may have been a couple of reprints till then but I can at least pass down the example I am as a parent.
 Well Intentioned, But Has Some Advice I Disagree With December 12, 2008
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
The book has some good intentions and points. If you are a screamer, I think this definitely is a good book to read. The premise is that it's not your child that has a problem, so why scream at them to try to fix it. Look at yourself and your attitudes.
I disagreed with some of the boundary and limit setting examples, because it really felt as a disguised form a cruelty.
If you are not a screamer parenting, relatively calm and so forth, then you don't need this book.
Review is by Ramiel Nagel author of Healing Our Children: Because Your New Baby Matters! Sacred Wisdom for Preconception, Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting (ages 0-6) & Cure Tooth Decay: Heal and Prevent Cavities with Nutrition (First Edition).
Great Parenting Handbook for Parents of children of all ages December 1, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
This book is really such a big help and gives such practical advice. I have a strong willed 11-year old and my husband and I both have a tendency to get too anxious with her. This book gives great direction on how to remain calm and be in control of yourself in order to better relate with your children (of any age) in so many levels as well as teaching them to remain calm. It shows you how to gain and give respect while teaching your children to be responsible and respectful people as they grow into adults. It helps you help your child make wise decisions for themselves and want to. I'm re-reading it and find it so easy to read and even my husband who almost never reads is reading it.
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